Last night, Abe's parents were out of town, so he could have girls over if there was a chaperone. I fell down his stairs on my butt TWICE because the stairs are very narrow and carpeted and my socked feet slipped. AND NO, I wasn't drunk the second time.
After I complained for several hours, we had a rambling conversation about our relationship and I don't remember what the outcome was. We both woke up sad, but melancholy is generally our baseline anyway.
I looked up broken coccyx on webmd and things don't look very promising. It said to go to a doctor but, "A rectal examination may also be performed. For this exam, the physician inserts a finger into your rectum to feel the area of the coccyx and determine if there is a dislocation or a fracture that can be felt and if direct pressure against the coccyx reproduces your pain." Can't I do this exam myself?
Also, I'm supposed to get a dough nut butt pillow like old people have. I'm going to a party tonight. How's it going to look if I carry around a bright red dough nut butt pillow and take 20 minutes to sit down? It's going to look like I shouldn't be at the party.
And then there's BlackHole on Wednesday. Am I going to have to do the show in a butt cast? I'm pretty sure it'll look like an external diaper. How many butt cast jokes will I have to write? The show's almost three hours long. THREE HOURS OF BUTT CAST MATERIAL?
THE CHAPERONE SUCKS.
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