Tuesday, March 31, 2009


Well, it's been a few months, hundreds of tutorials and a few false starts, but I finally finished my website.


It's not the prettiest website or most efficient website. Some parts are ugly and clunky. It'll be streamlined later on in the week or maybe in the year. I was just so excited about my CALENDAR CLEARANCE SALE that I had to burst it out and I can't be bothered with finishing sentences or projects or using words properly today.

Buy my calendar for half price. Only $6!

Just go to www.melissasurach.com/merchandise.

Also, BabyHole is tonight. Some awesome comedians. Stand up by Rachel Parenta and Aalep Patel. Music by The McMickle Brothers. And about 8 open mic slots for sketch, stand up and musical comedy.

Tuesday, March 31st, 9:00 pm, free!
The Lamp Post
382 2nd Street
Jersey City, NJ

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Jersey City Independent

I've ridiculed the The Hudson Reporter and The Current's many faults, including the two-week old stories, typos and calendar mistakes, fluff stories about no-bodies and hacks, that they're basically real-estate classifieds, and the fact that they simply won't put "BabyHole" in their listings because it's too risque, which I think is stupid. What are we, Victorians?

(Meanwhile, I've been trying to get them to hire me as copy editor but they won't for some reason.)

And the Jersey Journal is a tabloid, but that's what we have left.

This city is closer to New York than Brooklyn, yet it is so much lamer. Why? Because the media (and local government and zoning laws) treats Jersey City people as barely literate babies with delicate sensibilities and no cognitive skills, reactionary and mobbish. And if you read JCList.com, a prominent internet bitching forum, that would be true.

If you treat a city like a baby, it'll act like a baby. (I'm talking to you, JC media and government.) I'm a firm believer that you can tell a city's sophistication by its free periodicals. Have you ever gone on vacation and not picked up the local paper to find things to do? Well that's what I do. And if I picked up The Current, I'd be disappointed and spend the night in my hostel playing board games with Europeans. But then again, Jersey City doesn't have hostels or European tourists.

There's finally a real new source for this town, Jersey City Independent. Jersey City Independent is a triumph over the BS and fluff of the other papers. I don't know why it took so long to get a news source covering relevant stories, but we finally have one.

The only drawback is that it's online, and you can't just pick up one on the street. And yes, print is dead, but maybe they can get some sort of subsidy to mass distribute, maybe when tourism picks up or something. Maybe one day we'll be able to have our Village Voice or New York Press. Maybe in a hundred years.

Monday, March 23, 2009

BabyHole tomorrow night!

Hey everyone,

This is from my mass email:

Hello everyone,

Come and recess with us at BabyHole tomorrow night. It's the cheapest entertainment around. How cheap? $2 PBR pints cheap.

BabyHole Open Mic
Tuesday, March 24th, 9:00 pm, free

Featuring stand up by Matt Ruby, Mark Normand. Music by Saturn Returns, which has Colin Comstock, Roland Ramos and Chris Nyne as members, I believe.

Hosted by me, Melissa Surach.

The Lamp Post
382 2nd Street
Jersey City, NJ

My trip to the secret beach in Liberty State Park and the swans

A few weeks ago, I went to my favorite part of Liberty State Park, the secret beach. I call it the secret beach because no one wants to go there or knows how to get there.

If only the Hudson River weren't so disgusting and polluted, I'd go swimming and oystering there like the Lenape did until the Dutch ruined everything.

Here's pictures.

These are some dead mussels and broken glass in the sand of the secret beach.

Here's a door I found. There were also 100 year-old bricks every where. And garbage, mostly broken glass. Parts of the beach smelled like sewer.

This is Dirty Dog. He loved the beach. He ran all over in circles peeing on things. He also kept eating things he found, but I could never figure out what he was eating and he'd swallow it too fast. I assumed it was dead mussels and he smelled like fish for a week afterward. His breath was horrendous.

On the way back to the car, we passed by the man made pond and saw these swans in it. Upon my research, I subsequently found out that they are married (swans are monogamous and mate for life) and nesting and will have swan babies in Liberty State Park in a few weeks!

When the swans saw us, they got close and closer. We were worried that they would attack us like geese and they looked like they wanted to eat our dogs. We got scared and left. Maybe they were just begging for food.

Stop Raping People 2009 Pictures

These are pictures from the Women's Day benefit we had at BabyHole a few weeks ago. Sorry it took me so long to post them. Iphoto stole them and wouldn't let me touch them for a while and my camera sucks. Everyone made fun of how big it was.

This is the Stop Raping People donations box and sign. At the end of the night, there was $151 dollars in it. Not very impressive, but 2.5 times what we made last year, which was a pitiful $61.

These are the open mikers hanging out before the show. BabyHole makes people friends!

This was the featured comedian Jessica Delfino. She hates rape. She commented that maybe the reason there weren't too many people at the benefit was because the it was called "Stop Raping People" and it was at a show called "BabyHole."

This was the featured band, The Demands. I believe they're playing Groove on Grove next month.

These are some friends hugging. BabyHole makes people hug!

So come to next year's Stop Raping People Benefit Show. You'll get friends, hugs and help people not get raped. All of the donations went to The Global Fund for Women and Women Rising, Inc.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Sausages and Limericks at tonight's BABYHOLE!

Tomorrow's BabyHole will be a rock-n-roll St. Patrick's Day let down. And by let down, I mean, cheer up because unlike every other bar in town, we won't have any bag pipes or douche bags in plastic green hats screaming.

Instead, tomorrow night at BabyHole we will have a LIMERICK CONTEST! And a SAUSAGEFEST CONTEST! And ROCK AND ROLL!

BabyHole Open Mic
Tuesday, March 17th, 9:00 pm

Featuring rock music by Crazy and the Brains. The winner of the Limerick Contest* gets a little bottle of Jameson. The winner of the Sausagefest Contest (the first woman to sign up) gets a bottle of champagne.

Don't forget that there's about 8 open mic slots.

*If you don't know what a limerick is, please google it.

The Lamp Post
382 2nd Street
Jersey City, NJ

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Thanks to everyone for not Raping People!

Thanks to everyone who came out last night to Stop Raping People! BabyHole's International Women's Day Benefit. Attendance was low, just like last year. Apparently Jersey City is in favor of rape. What a surprise.

Still, the people who came donated and we raised 2.5 times what we did last year.

I wish I could put up pictures, but my camera is old and my computer is new and I don't know how to connect them yet.

What else am I up to? I'm still working on the website, and the public access show, and the ghost tour. Everything takes a long time because I'm a one woman industry and this woman is terrible at technology. Today I have to resize all of my images. How tedious!

The public access show should debut in April. I'm waiting to hear about my time slot. I'll have a big party for it or something.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Stop Raping People!

Stop Raping People!

A benefit for The Global Fund for Women and Women Rising, Inc.

Featuring rock music by The Demands, musical comedy by renowned dirty folk star Jessica Delfino and about 8 open mic slots. Hosted by Melissa Surach.

The first woman to sign up for the open mic gets a bottle of champagne.

BabyHole Open Mic
Tuesday, March 10th, 9:00 pm, suggested donation $5-$8*
The Lamp Post
382 2nd Street
Jersey City, NJ

*If you're going to be a cheapie peepee and not come because you don't want to pay, just show up anyway and drink. The more money the bar makes, the more money I get to donate to the charities.

Monday, March 2, 2009

BabyHole tomorrow night!


I'm super busy with everything and have horrible organizational skills. So I'm only posting this for BabyHole tomorrow night.

BabyHole Open Mic
Tuesday, March 3rd, 9:00 pm, free!

Featuring country rock by The Poconos, stand up by Jamie Lee and Emily Epstein. And about 8 open mic slots. Hosted by me, Melissa Surach.

The Poconos
Jamie Lee
Emily Epstein

The Lamp Post
382 2nd Street
Jersey City, NJ