Sunday, March 14, 2010

Keywords and blood blisters

Today the number one keyword in search engines hit reached my blog was "blood blister in peehole." I don't think I've ever blogged about blood blisters in peeholes, but maybe I should start.

Friday, March 12, 2010

How much is this bachelorette worth?

I'm honored to have just been asked to be a Bachelorette in Art House's upcoming find Bachelor/Bachelorette Fundraiser on April 17th. I'm still waiting to find out how much stage time I'll get to showcase my beauty, and more importantly, where I can find break away pants.

So how much will you bid on my? I'll throw in Dirty Dog too.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Hey Williamsburg, I don't burn you for existing.

Yesterday I spent my day off at the Brooklyn Brewery doing "research." First of all, Blast, a double IPA in their Brewmasters Reserve series totally kicked my ass. It was the best double IPA I've ever had, and two of them made me and my friend Sarah drunk for EIGHT HOURS. We're such girls!

Now to complain about Williamsburg, the neighborhood the brewery is in. While I was smoking outside, next to the BMW's, a stupid blond waspy woman and her pasty boyfriend walked past me and coughed on purpose to make me feel like an asshole. I almost went Jersey City on her ass, and restrained myself from shouting, "Fuck you, you stupid blond cunt. I don't burn you with cigarettes for existing!" And then I'd guiltily wimper, "I'm trying to quit."

By the way, I'm going to try to quit smoking again. For serious this time. I got a book and I'm ordering a vapor cigarette. Expect mood swings and disproportionate emotional reactions.

Friday, March 5, 2010

My three favorite things: beer, ghosts--and of course, me!

Last weekend, I treated myself to a Riverhorse Brewery tasting followed by a night at a haunted hotel with a man friend.

First we went to the Brewery in Lambertville and sampled beer for lunch, which ran four for a dollar. We went through them in order of flavor and strength: Riverhorse Special Ale, (American Amber), Hop-a-lotamus (double IPA), an Oatmeal Milk Stout (their seasonal limited reserve), and Tripel Horse (Belgian style).

I liked all of them even though the Special Ale was only 4.5 percent ABV and usually Ambers are too bland for me. And though usually I don't like Belgians, Tripel Horse was surprisingly citrusy and refreshing, like a desert or champagne after my beer lunch. My favorites were the Oatmeal Milk Stout and Double IPA, which was no surprise because stouts and IPA's are my favorite beers.

The brewery was small and the tour was self-guided. We ran around the brewery touching machines that we didn't know how to operate. There were keys in the fork-lift, but we had enough self-restraint to not commandeer it. We wanted to buy more samples, any way.

This is me at the vats where they put the ingredients in and boil and strain them. No, I did not add a touch of Melissa because they clean them out all the time the solvents would kill my DNA, which I need.

Here's some pictures of my buddy playing on the labeling and bottling machines.

Then we went to the self-purportedly most haunted inn in the town that called itself The Most Haunted Town in America--the Logan Inn in New Hope, PA. We did not see any ghosts, although at one point the furniture sounded like it knocked, but nothing serious. This is me reading a ghost story book in front of a portrait of one of the ghosts, Emily, and her husband.

There was a surprising amount of witch craft, medieval role-playing stores and old white hippies in New Hope. It was fun, although in conclusion, the beer was good but the ghosts sucked. Maybe the hippies's magic crystals kept them away, but more likely, their medieval body odor. Stupid hippies!