Tuesday, August 25, 2009



I went to my show, BabyHole, today, after spending a horrible afternoon in court with my stalker, and frustratedly working on my few freelance articles on whatever my broken, obsolete computer will allow me to maybe finish (by the way, I have to hire an attorney tomorrow...any pro bono takers? For the unmedicated schizophrenic stalker case) when my show was RAIDED.

It wasn't my fault it got raided...But it really sucked. Do I get street cred at least?

Sunday, August 23, 2009


This Tuesday's BabyHole is part of the See What's Hear Festival. The Festival welcomes the Barclay's at Liberty National Golf Course*.

Tuesday, April 25th, 9:00 pm, free!

Featuring rock and roll by Darren Deicide. Stand up by Mark Normand, Chelsea White, and Rosie Rebel. About 6 open mic slots for sketch, stand up and musical comedy. Video by me. Hosted by Adam Colicchio.

Plus there's a $3 beer menu.

IM Automata Chino
99 Greene Street
Jersey City, NJ

Two blocks from Exchange Place PATH and Lightrail Stations.

*Ironically, I'm not welcome to either event or club, but I still have dreams.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

You're Welcome!

The first installment of my new humorous column is up, if you'd like to read it. I'm writing for Jersey City Independent, which is what all the cool kids in town read.

You're Welcome!

Cory Booker

Last night I met Newark's mayor Cory Booker. He was my second choice. I wanted to talk to Mayor Healy, who was hanging around trying to win back the artist community. He was casually dressed, and looked one wardrobe decision away from wearing a tie-dye shirt.

I just missed Healy, so I was stuck with Cory. I was weirded out by his blue contacts and that he was hanging out at a bar in Jersey City when there was a protest in Newark after 6 people got shot over night, but he is still handsome.

"Hi Cory Booker. My name is Melissa Surach."

"Melissa Surach. That's a good name."

"It was bastardized when my family came to Ellis Island."

"What was it before?"


He repeated after me with an exaggerated gesture and his secret service men laughed at him.

"I have two things to ask you. First of all, say hi to Obama for me."

"Will do."

"Secondly, I run a comedy show in Jersey City."

"You know, comedians and politicians have a lot in common, we're both in front of audiences trying to make them like us."

"Except you have money and power."

We laughed.

"Are you going to hang out with Healy?" I asked.

"Yeah, we're going to the Beer Garden."

"Can you ask him about my award? He'll probably know who I am."

He mumbled something and rudely walked away, considering the raport we'd built. I considered going to the Beer Garden to bother them some more, but I was already drunk.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

See What's Hear Festival!

Next week's BabyHole is part of Jersey City's See What's Hear Festival. Welcome to BabyHole, Barclays Golf Tournament!

For more information/listings/printable brochure, click here.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Yesterday's best conversation

My sister and I were at Groove on Grove.

"Why are there so many hipsters in Jersey City?" she asked.

"Do I look like a hipster?" I asked.

"No. You look like you buy your clothes at the dollar store."

It's true!

Monday, August 10, 2009

BabyHole tomorrow

Hey everyone!

BabyHole's tomorrow, and you're about to finally live (except for the band, Better Off Dead).

BabyHole Open Mic
Tuesday, August 11th, 9:00 pm, FREE!

Featuring rock and roll band Better Off Dead. Stand up by Ricky Butler and Dan St. Germaine. Melicious Bottomvomit (my public access show) preview. Six open mic slots for stand up, sketch, musical comedy, and funny videos.*

Hosted by Rogelio Perez.

*If you're bringing a video, sign up at 9:00 so we can check it before the show starts.

$3 Beer Menu!

IM Automata Chino
99 Greene Street
Jersey City, NJ

One block from the Exchange Place PATH Station and Light Rail.

Monday, August 3, 2009

National Night Out at City Hall

Dear countrymen,

Please join me at the Rally for National Night Out at City Hall in Jersey City.

In the past, Jersey City has sponsored block parties as rallies to combat street crime. This year, the rally will converge on City Hall to combat corruption and political crimes, the most egregious of which is me not getting an award.

I will be at the rally protesting the fact that I have not yet received the award, which I used to ask for politely. Feel free to make signs, like "Who do I have to f***ing bribe to get Melissa Surach an award?" or "If you don't give Melissa Surach an award, I will f**k the s**t out of you." I encourage obsenities.

I will be there dressed in gold body makeup, possibly pretending to be a statue as a means of earning tips/donations for my cause. Steve Fulop, local hearthrob and wonderboy Councilman will speak.

Feel free to ask me for an autograph, or get one from the local superstars like Mariano Vega, Official 4 (Mayor Healy), and others who were indicted/implicated the last week's state wide corruption sweep.

National Night Out at City Hall
Tuesday, August 4th, 2009
6:00 pm - 7:30
280 Grove Street
Jersey City, NJ

Thank you,
Melissa Surach