Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Arts in Jersey City

I know there's a lack of proper venues for people to express themselves in this town, but I wish that people would stop pretending that their apartments are art galleries.

When I say this, I don't mean that people have art on their walls. I mean that people have art openings in their bedrooms. Seriously.

They flier for it and shit. Waste of wood.

Friday, April 25, 2008

How much?

I wonder how much marijuana it would take to enjoy the THIRD Harold and Kumar movie, "Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay."

Probably more than I can afford. But how much would it take to get through watching it a second time?

My guess is that the amount of marijuana it would take to enjoy "Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay" more than once would cost the same as the movie's budget.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Flier for BabyHole on April 29th


Featured comedians: Jamie Lee, Sean Patton
Featured band: The House of Leaves

The Sausagefest Contest is ON!

Doors and open mic sign up start @ 8 pm
Show starts at 9 pm SHARP!

Toy Eaters Studio
Suggested donation $5
Tuesday, April 29th

The music of Kevin Bacon

As I was perusing popular Jersey City blogs for my research, I came across this listing from NEW:

PSE&G Global Green Expo

The largest and most comprehensive Earth Day event ever held in New Jersey is this weekend:
Global Green Expo 2008
April 25th, 26th and 27th
Liberty State Park
(Historic Central Railroad Terminal)

Speakers include Ted Danson, Ed Begley Jr. and Animal Planet Host, Jeff Corwin. Music from Kevin and Michael Bacon. Seminars on everything from eco-fashion to composting.

And, unlike the ridiculously overpriced All Points West Festival, a ticket for a one day pass is only $13!

Even as I fight with PSE&G on an almost daily basis, I may just give them an extra $13 for the privilege of hearing all of these people who used to be famous talk about them.


Saturday will be a full day of fund raising. Hopefully, I will be able to attend the Powerhouse Arts District Benefit too. I've listed their benefit below.


Thursday, April 17, 2008

The last thing Jersey City needs is more rich people.

Dear Rich People,

Please stay in New York and act like jerks.


This is an email I got from Le Arsenal, the videographer who does BabyHole's videography sometimes.

Last week, the City Council approved Toll Brothers amendments to the Powerhouse Arts District Redevelopment Plan. They are now permitted to demolish 3 historic warehouses and a cobblestone street and build a couple 300+ ft towers in their place. They have also been relieved of all affordable housing requirements. The city rolled over and gave Toll Brothers everything they wanted and now we get a few more luxurious faceless skyscrapers to add to our growing collection. Its a huge bummer in so many different ways, I wont go into it all right now. Just know that the "domino effect" that we were assured wouldn't be caused by the destruction of 111 is very much in full effect.

The Good News? The Powerhouse Arts District Neighborhood Association is hosting a fund raiser next Saturday, April 26th for their legal fund at 150 Bay Street (8pm - Midnight). American Watercolor Movement, Tremble In The Heat and The Meltdowns are all playing. There is also a DJ, an art exhibition and free food and booze from LITM, Skinners Loft, Madame Claudes, Star Bar and many more. The City Council may try and bum us out, but we're gonna eat, drink and dance while we raise money to sue 'em. Dig it.

Tickets are $40, but if you act now you can come get down for the low low low price of $20. Thats all in. Leave your wallets at home (but maybe bring some $1's to tip your bartender and your check book to bid on art in the exhibition).

Go to to get your tickets. Online tickets sales end on Monday.

But wait, THATS NOT ALL!

For those of you who weren't there, I put together a video of the City Council meeting that you can view here. Many people talk about how corrupt JC politics is - well here's your chance to see it in action, in the flesh, in all of its shameless glory. Truly remarkably absurd. As Councilman Steve Lipski says "Its called democracy in action".

Thank you for your time, hopefully I'll see yous next Saturday, and please forward this to your friends.

The more people dancing the better.

BabyHole VS Poetic Voices. A Superiority Contest!

I've officially challenged those pesky poets to a superiority contest. Comedians from BabyHole will beat the crap out of poets from Poetic Voices with their brilliant words.

When I told my boyfriend about it, he said that it was the worst idea for a show he'd ever heard of. Here, I've written the highlights of his reasoning.

1. It's just a reason for a bunch of sad sack quote-unquote "POETS" to legitimize their delusional standing as a poet, which hasn't been a legitimate profession since restoration France. That's sadly delusional, like calling yourself a Jedi, dressing up your dog in a coordinated outfit or showing someone your wallet sized portraits of you and your Cabbage Patch Doll Family.

2. Since when did "It just sounds fucking stupid" stop being a good enough excuse.

3. It just sounds gay. Like the word "Mingus" I don't know what it means but I think it has something to do with the shit cum residue left on your cock after violent sodomy.

4. If I wanted to watch a bunch of poets "get outside their comfort zone" I'd go to...well, actually, if that happened, I think I would have to severely reassess my priorities in life. Oh, and I guess I'd have to quit chugging semen from a wine skin or whatever other totally gay behavior I'd have to be doing at the time.

5. Dane. I mean, really. Seriously, this guy just getting on stage is a show-stopper. And I don't mean that the good way.

6. I have a much more pressing engagement. I have to take my grandma to Steak and Shake for a Chili Mac Supreme after her Barium Enema at the clinic.

To this, I respond: Maybe I’d rather go out with grandma too, but I think this show is going to be a lot of fun, and on May 21st, me and all my BabyHole friends are going to beat the crap out of all these stupid poets. BabyHole vs. Poetic Voices. May 21st. Toy Eaters Studio. Be there for the blood shed.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Reading should be silent

So I was going to get my head shots done today. There were gonna be roses and meaningful glances, but I was called into working an art thing in Hoboken.

On my way to work, a teenager driving a minivan full of small children called me a fat bitch. I turned to approach the van, shouting, "What the hell is wrong with you?" when he sped off, to go around the block and back around to shout more things at me. I think he told me to "Get a dick." If only!

I was confused when I got to work. I thought I'd be handing out free wine or champagne, but instead I worked out of a million dollar restaurant that had been abandoned around September (as I concluded from what I found in the kitchen). Someone put a million dollars into this space, and then just walked away from it. The liquor stock alone was thousands of dollars. The speed racks had over $200 worth of alcohol. I've never worked at a bar that's had more than $20 worth. A drink of Louis XIII cost $115.

The evening culminated with a play reading. Play readings are like plays but more boring. I never realized how many words plays have. They sure do have a lot.

Greetings from my mass email!

This is what my last mass email read.

No Pasaran! Killtown! Punching Poets!

Thank you for being my friends. Now you can be friends with BabyHole too! Be friends NOW.

The next BabyHole is going to be super.

BabyHole Open Mic
Stand up, sketch, musical comedy, etc.

Band: No Pasaran!
Comedian: Brooke Van Poppelen. Brooke won the title of Ms. Killtown during the Ms. Killtown contest. If you saw it, you know how bad ass she is.
Host: Me, Melissa Surach

Last time got a little rowdy, so this week we have Donna and Jenna working security. I'm going to make them shirts and penises for Tuesday.

Plus, we're holding another Sausagefest Contest. The first woman to sign up for the open mic gets champagne. From what I hear, the competition is going to be pretty fierce this time around.

Tuesday, April 15th
Doors and sign up @ 8
$5 suggested donation
One block from Grove Street PATH Station

Toy Eaters Studio
2nd Floor
143 Christopher Columbus Drive
Jersey City, NJ

Also, I've finally challenged those pesky poets to a superiority battle!

BabyHole vs. Poetic Voices
Wednesday, May 21, 8 pm
Toy Eaters Studio

As you may know, the poets have been vandalizing BabyHole fliers, rioting at BabyHole, spreading terrible rumors about BabyHole, and vexing BabyHole in general. So I'm going to round up some comedians to punch them with aggressive words. My boyfriend has already told me that this is the worst idea for a show ever and that he doesn't want anything to do with it. He sounds like my dad!

Each comedian will be pitted against a poet, and both have to do a comedy thing and a poem based on a topic given in advance. There's also an improv round (don't blame me, that was PV's idea).

The winning team gets a case of beer, the winning performer will get a better prize.

If you hate poetry, or if you'd like to be a comedian on the BabyHole team, email me or stop by BabyHole.

Thank you!
Melissa Surach


PS If you'd like to be taken off of this email list, please let me know. I'm not a mind reader!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

BabyHole is now on myspace

Go here for BABYHOLE!

I've spent all day putting pictures up and blogging. Videos of past performances are coming soon. Please feel free to send me pictures that you took. If I can figure out how you can post them yourself, I will.

On a side note, you can find me on myspace too.


Thursday, April 10, 2008

BabyHole Sausage Fest Contest Returns

Women are so tricky! None of them will sign up for BabyHole Open Mic unless they get treats. So the Sausage Fest Contest is on again. The first woman to sign up at BabyHole next week gets a bottle of champagne.

BabyHole Open Mic
Sketch, stand up, musical comedy, etc.

Featured band: No Pasaran!
Featured comedian: Brooke Van Poppelen (Ms. Killtown!)

Hosted by Melissa Surach

Security by Donna and Jenna

Tuesday, April 15th
Doors open and sign up starts at 8 pm

Toy Eaters Studios
143 Christopher Columbus Drive
Jersey City

$5 suggested donation