My sketch or your baby. You have to choose.

Tom.

The show is tomorrow and we haven't even practiced once because someone is being a whiny baby and crying. Well soon it's going to be you, Tom, soon YOU'LL be crying.

You have to make a choice: My sketch or your baby. You are obviously too incompetent to handle both. You're going to have to give one up, and I think we both know which.

The baby sucks, Tom, and my sketch is genius. You will realize that once we get through the harmonies and choreography. Have you even TRIED to juggle those pins that I gave you and told you to learn to juggle? Does that little mermaid dress I gave you even fit? I bet you were too busy changing diapers and breastfeeding.

AND ANOTHER THING:
I had to take the subway to Queens last night, in the rain, because SOMEONE had to be put to bed at 8:00 pm.

You have to make a decision: Giving me rides to Queens or your baby.

The baby is RUINING my transportation schedule and my life. Last night the E was messed up and it took me almost two hours to get home, when it could have only taken one and a half if you drove me, and then I almost jumped in the tracks because I was so consumed with hatred for your baby.

If you're not going to get rid of the baby, please at least teach it to drive me to Queens and juggle, OR AT LEAST LET ME BORROW IT!

I hate your baby.

Sincerely,
Melissa