Wednesday, April 11, 2007


I saw a raver and it wasn't 1991. It was last Tuesday, on Kennedy Boulevard, by the Coach House.

I have a theory about this stretch of Kennedy Boulevard. I first became concerned when I noticed a Marilyn Manson fan in 2005. Then, I saw a grown man wearing a GreenDay shirt, a Sublime hoodie, a Wu Tang headband, Offspring gauntlets, and a wallet chain, all at the same time. I looked up, and all around me everything was at least 10 years out of style. I was frightened.

At first, I assumed the reason that the Heights are 20 years behind the times is because of the horrible, archaic public transportation system. They use jitneys, like in the 1930's. They are alternatively called immigrant vans, or immies, but I find that term racist, as the Heights are because it's so behind the times. The last time I took one, the driver was a deaf, 90-year-old who spoke no English, smoked a Cuban Cigar, and had a tumour on his nose. It looked like he had three noses. He drives the warped line of time and he's drunk.

Which brings me to my point: I believe that space and time are warped at this point. It's like the Bermuda Triangle of Jersey City. It may, in fact, be an opening to hollow earth. Perhaps, everyone who lives in the Heights inhabits the inner surface of the earth as well--that's how they keep their raver pants from the ravages of time.

Here is a map. You'll notice The Heights is near the upper left hand side.

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