Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Your rats are probably gonna die soon... why not make them celebrities?

I don't care about what's happened between us in the past--who called who a nutjob or who has bad hair or who is emotionally a fetus and is going to live with his parents forever--but there's one thing I care about. And those are our babies. And by our "babies", I mean your "rats."

Can I PLEASE borrow a rat for a project I'm working on? I'm not gonna give it a yeast infection or anything but I might show it my boobs. Besides, even if I kill it (which I won't), you'd still have like 26 left plus that half of one that you call a hair-do.

Let me use the one that lives in your shirt. Can I use two, one for each bra cup? I would probably let you borrow a rabbit if you needed to. Well, one of them--Butterscotch. He has chronic diarrhea but he only bites when you kiss him.

I bought us a baby rat. And by "us" I mean "you." It's the belated Valentine's gift you never knew you wanted. I went rat shopping at the pet store this morning and the first one they showed me had one eye and huge testicles, just like you, except opposite.

Maybe one day we can get married and live in the sewer with your parents.

A girl can dream, can't she?

No comments: