Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Can I borrow your baby?

Dear Tom,

I know we've been through this before, but can I borrow your baby for this project I'm working on? I know you said that Liz doesn't trust me with it, but I'm NOT going to throw it down a shaft like in the Jersey Journal or when I pushed you down the stairs--I swear on my son's grave.

I'M NOT GOING TO EXPLOIT IT. I'm just gonna make out with it a little.

I've even been practicing mixing fomula. You know what goes good with Similac? Vodka. This baby's lucky--It'll get to drink all day. If this stuff came out of my boobs I would never have to go to bars.

Just give me the goddamn baby. I would have one myself but they keep on dying for some reason.


PS Will you be my dad?

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