Saturday, March 24, 2007

The older I get, the less flattering celebrity-look-alike compliments are.

When I was in highschool, I was told by two people that I looked like Cameron Diaz.

Despite the fact that I was told by a manic depressive on anti-psychotics with suicide scars up his wrists, and a friend who once got so drunk she made out with an old guy on an air conditioner without realizing he was missing his front four teeth, I felt that the description was accurate.

When I was in college, I was told that I looked like Jodie Foster.

Despite the fact that I thought she was a lesbian, and that I was told by a manic-depressive melodramatic obsessive teenager with thinning hair who cried a lot, I was still flattered.

But the other night, a very drunk, loud yuppie with that stupid Hoboken button-down shirt was trying to pretend he was hip and told me that I looked like Dweezil Zappa's wife, an actress whose name he couldn't remember. Upon research, I found out that Dweezil is not married to an actress at all, but a one-hit-wonder named Lisa Loeb.

This is not a compliment. Firstly, I don't wear glasses. She's probably cross-eyed. Secondly, "Stay" was maybe the worse song of the '90's out of many. Thirdly, who even talks about Lisa Loeb anymore? That's why the picture's pixelated--it's so small because no one cares about her. Also, I have red hair and blue eyes and I hate acoustic guitars.

So look, yuppie. Please hang yourself with your ugly button down shirt. You probably starch the collar enough to slit your throat.


masha said...

i've gotten lisa loeb when i wear my glasses!

Paula said...

Could the drunk have meant Selma Blair, an actress formerly married to Ahmet Zappa? This would be a compliment, she is quite striking.

Also, I don't believe that Lisa Loeb is even dating DZ anymore, much less married to him. So you're off the hook.

Also, drunk people are stupid, so don't listen to them.