My week in North Carolina was so awful it made me appreciate Jersey City. I will put up pictures as soon as this computer stops being an asshole.
HIGHLIGHTS OF MY VACATION:
Counting rednecks and pickup trucks on the road.
Black Beard.
Awkward tan lines.
The Old Burying Ground.
I touched a stingray with my finger.
Half of my third nipple fell off when I tried to climb a cannon. Now it looks like a tiny hermit crab.
Cigarettes cost like $1.
I really missed Dirt Pie the Empathy Dog while I was gone until I came home and he took three dumps in my kitchen and they were gray in color. Now he's on another hunger strike until I start cooking for him again.
Butterscotch was resentful towards me for leaving and the first night back home, he gnawed on walls and furniture all night long because he likes negative attention and he wouldn't let me pet him.
Anyway, now that I'm back, I hate everything slightly less.
MELISSA SURACH
Hello and welcome to my blog. Here you will find pictures and videos of me being sad. This is my face. I'm crying because I find happiness upsetting.
Dirt Pie the Empathy Dog
I found Dirty Dog a few years ago wandering in circles and peeing on things. I took him home, shaved him, and he's been my furry baby/room mate ever since.
Screamy the Bird
This is Screamy, my room mate and feathered daughter. She can say "I love you," "I don't know," and "Kill me" but her thick bird accent sometimes makes it difficult to understand her. Her favorite foods are Cheerios and birth marks.
1 comment:
Any dude who kidnaps people and only asks for drugs as ransom has my respect.
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