Last night's show was the best BabyHole since the calendar release party, and not just because of all the champagne I drank!
No one has won the BabyHole Sausagefest Contest yet. It's a really easy contest to win. All you have to do is be a woman and sign up for the open mic and you win a bottle of my favorite champagne, Andre. But no one even tries! So I had to drink it all by myself. As a consequence, today my farts smell like slightly spoiled milk.
Anyway, The House of Leaves opened the show. They are a really good band and you should check them out.
Saint Patrick made a special appearance and did his Homeless Love poem and his Sun poem, which is about white people being sunburnt. He closed with a song about cheese. Saint Patrick is one of my favorite poets because his poetry is funny and he doesn't act like a dick.
And the featured comedian was Aubrey Tennant, who performed as the rapper Big Panties, a disabled Canadian who can't tell the difference between men and women. He brought the house down and everyone who was there will certainly talk about his act for weeks to come.
As a side note:
As you may know, the poets are upset because they can't do boring, badly written poetry at my show, so they come to it and act like jerks. I don't know why they're so retarded. Toy Eaters lets them do shows there anyway, so what's the big deal? Also, they can do poetry at my show as long as its funny, but apparently that's not good enough for them. Can't they just write a stupid poem about it instead of giving me a head ache?