I was on my way to a job interview the other day when my pants totally split across my ass and my butt cheek was hanging out. Even though I had time to go home and change, I didn't, partly because I enjoy being unemployed, but also because I had no other suitable pants. You're probably thinking, "Melissa, any pants with a butt would be more suitable than pants without a butt," but a lot of people think that my butt is better than my resume, and that's true.
I was on my way to a job interview today, in my best pants, and my fly kept going down and then I got a hole in the crotch when I was two blocks away from my house. I took this as a sign from the pants gods that I should not get a job, especially not at a chain restaurant in Times Square, and turned around and went home.
Should I have continued on to the interview wearing sweat shorts? Sweat shorts that kind of smell a little like two-week-old sex? Maybe. Maybe I should brag about getting laid at job interviews more, maybe then they'd think that I was cool and hire me.
Basically I wrote this to tell everyone that I GOT LAID!
MELISSA SURACH
Hello and welcome to my blog. Here you will find pictures and videos of me being sad. This is my face. I'm crying because I find happiness upsetting.
Dirt Pie the Empathy Dog
I found Dirty Dog a few years ago wandering in circles and peeing on things. I took him home, shaved him, and he's been my furry baby/room mate ever since.
Screamy the Bird
This is Screamy, my room mate and feathered daughter. She can say "I love you," "I don't know," and "Kill me" but her thick bird accent sometimes makes it difficult to understand her. Her favorite foods are Cheerios and birth marks.
No comments:
Post a Comment