Tuesday, May 22, 2007

My bank account grounded me, should I eat my new dog?

Sorry guys. I can't go out anymore. I don't have any money.

And I need to go to the doctor soon before I get HPV and I think I have a melanoma wanna lend me $300?

I'm busy writing and getting new stuff together and practicing piano everyday, but I'm broke and unemployed. I'm doing a photo shoot with kittens this weekend. Doesn't that sound adorable? Can someone give me a grant for being Melissa?

How about Melissa food stamps? Stealing food from my parents makes them distrustful of me.

I hope you won't think any less of me for writing this post. Sometimes I get really depressed when I can't afford vodka.

I found a dog a few weeks ago (before Flower went to heaven). He was wandering around in circles peeing on things on the corner of Jersey and Newark. I snatched him up before anyone could stop me and named him Dirty.

His favorite foods are:
1. Rabbit Poo
2. Period Pads
3. Roasted Turkey.

He won't eat canned dog food, no matter how expensive or vintage it is.

Yesterday he had to get his second distemper shot and Dr. Kim, the cheapest vet I could find and who I think is only licensed to practice in Korea ca. 1955, vaccinated him for rabies twice.

Today, PSE&G almost shut my power off because, after ignoring them for so long when I DID have money, I've forgotten that I still have human bills.

I don't have any pictures of Dirty because I need to get my camera fixed, but he's a tiny little mutt. He's gray, and he looks like a puppy and an old man all at the same time.

He poos worms.

I barely have train money to get to New York. I wish I could poo trains.


1 comment:

Bioluminescence said...

reading this made me laugh, but it made me very sad!! i guess i'm not really like my mother because i can't seem to take pleasure in the misery of others, no matter how funny the way in which it's positioned is. Also, since i'm in a similar boat, it hurts extra bad, like pinching a loaf tht's far too big for ones sphincter to oblige. I'll see you on wednesday. Give me a call and tell me about last thursdays disaster and who i need to beat up to righ the many wrongs that went on in st patrick's absence. it always seems to happen for some reason! last time he was unable to host, i filled in and it was an utter disaster!! grrr!! we can vent and growl together about it!! anyway, i'm done writing this novel.. peace