Update on baby starling

So, it turns out that I didn't "find" the poor baby bird so much as "stole" it from it's parents.

It was fully feathered, but couldn't fly. According to internet, I should've just put it in a bush while it learned to fly from a day on the ground.

After I made it a nest, I tried to feed it strawberries to rehydrate it and give it energy. It enjoyed them, but when it dropped one, I tried to pick it up, and the baby got scared, tried to escape and shat on the floor. "You need to go to the park now!" I shouted.

I took it to the bushes by the gazebo in Hamilton Park, where the bums pee. It smelled disgusting, but I thought that it was the safest place for the baby.

I went by the next day to see how it was doing. On my way in, I saw a baby starling that resembled it (dirty and unkempt with mites) following two adult birds. It looked at me, reluctant to follow its parents, and I knew then that I had ruined another life, but at least I'd tried to save it.

So I think that it found it's parents and learned to fly. At least, I didn't find a corpse.

WE ARE ALL BABY STARLINGS!

I am Captain Crazy

On my way to do my chores, I found a baby bird, corralled it into a box and brought it home. I made a nest, and now I have to feed the bird corn syrup water every 20 minutes. Apparently, to check it's body temperature, I have to press it's wings to my lips. I can't wait!

I did not do any chores today.

It's a starling. It should be strong enough to fly away in a few days.

My boyfriend is going to be so angry when he gets home and sees it in the bed!

Temp Agencies, Here I Come! Watch Out!

The place I've been working in is going down the drain. Or, rather, the mouth hole, because they drink their bad business skills away. Seriously, when they feel bad about the place or their management skills, instead of acting pro actively or helping the staff in trouble, they drink to forget and/or party despite.

I bartend at a place that used to be super busy. But lately it's a mess. With each and every shift, I make about $20 less than I did the shift before. I almost walked out today, because I walked into such a mess. "I don't have to work like this," I thought to myself as I waited on dirty tables that were complaining about dirty table and bad service that weren't my responsibility. And I am all for taking on the restaurant's responsibilities, as long as the restaurant supports me, and I make a living wage. But it is out of controls!

My old motto was, "I hope I can stick through it long enough until the place goes out of business so I can get unemployment benefits." But I don't think this place will last that long. Poor me. Poor Melissa.

BH VS PV JUDGE'S FORM

This is the preface of the Judge's form for next week's competition.

JUDGE’S FORM
BabyHole Vs Poetic Voices Superiority Contest
Wednesday, May 21st

Thank you for being a judge at our Superiority Contest. You made it, winner! By being our judge, we acknowledge that you are better than the rest of us.

Please judge the contestants on a scale of 0-10 based on the following criteria: performance/entertainment quality, content/creativity, and pussiness (pussiness score will be subtracted).

Just kidding. Pussiness will not be a judging category, though it should be.

(Not necessarily fun) Family Activities for Mother's Day

I usually don't publish my essays on the blog because I want to get paid or critically acclaimed for them (HA!), but this one was rejected last week and I'm not going to get another chance for a year, so here's my Mother's Day essay.



(Not Necessarily Fun) Family Activities for Mother's Day

-Babyball is a good way to introduce your baby to sports. Perfect for building little muscles, your baby will learn coordination and discipline when you pitch it and it makes a home run. Go Baby, go!

-Babies love bright colors, sparkles, and the smell of ethyl acetate. Enjoy the pampering (no, not THAT kind) as Baby gives you a full manicure, including a hand massage and acrylic tips.

-"Who's a big boy?" or "Who's a big girl?" is what you'll be shouting as you adorn your baby with feathers and wear it as a fashionable hat.

-Family bonding is important and fun. The entire family will enjoy using the baby to adorn the Mother's Day Tree that you've forced it to cut down in the Pine Barrens, where the Jersey Devil lives. Alternatively, light Baby on the Mother's Day Menorah.

-No one loves vodka more than babies. Have Baby make YOU a White Russian for a change!

-Throw up on Baby. See how much it likes it! Maybe it'll learn a lesson.

-Finally, sometimes Mommy just wants to sit in a nest. Have baby build one for you. Start off by sending Baby to rummage for twigs and strings, then glue with things that have come out of Baby.

-A relaxing afternoon nest nap is the perfect activity to end the exciting day you and your family have celebrated together. If only every day was Mother's Day! Then maybe Baby wouldn't act like such a jerk all the time.

Fliers for the Superiority Contest

I am going to print fliers for the BabyHole Vs. Poetic Voices Superiority Contest, but with the way the poets are running their mouths off to anyone who will listen, I don't know if it'll be necessary. What a bunch of babies. And cheaters, too.

JC Friday

This is the link for JC Friday.

www.jcfridays.com