Study: Over 1 in 3 SAfrican Men Admit to Rape

Even though Jersey City makes me want to cut myself, at least I don't live in a place where people "rape out of boredom."

Jesus Christ South Africa! Get it together! Get some PSA's or something.

According to CBS, Over 1 in 3 SAfrican Men Admit to Rape.

Introduction to Humor Writing Intensive for Super Smart Nice People who are Great and Awesome Geniuses

Look I'm teaching this. Sign up so I can make you funnier. And then I can eat.


Do you love David Sedaris and Dorothy Parker? Want to be like them? Well now you can.

Art House presents Jersey City's first and only Humor Writing Class. In this introductory intensive workshop you'll learn the basics of how to write funny things, create new material and build on previous work.

Plus, I'll throw in a one-on-one feedback session for free.

We'll focus on writing for print but also watch TV to see how humor principles apply to performance and visual media and maybe one day you'll be famous. At the very least, you'll learn where to put jokes in your writing so it sells better.

It's the perfect holiday gift for loved ones or people that you think should be funnier.

Taught by Melissa Surach, the only person ever to have a a City Council resolution passed unanimously to honor her for Comedic Arts.

$60. Register at arthouseproductions.org via Pay Pal and note Humor Writing. Registration fee is $15 with the balance due by class.

If you register by January 1st you save $10, which makes the entire ordeal $50 the cheapest thing ever.

Take advantage of this low introductory offer because I'm going to make the next one really expensive.

Winter Beer and Books

Look at this thing I'm doing!

Come nerd out with us. Find out what to drink for the holidays!

Book House Cafe presents a winter beer tasting and book pairing.

Beer selections will include seasonals from Founders, Ommegang, New Jersey Beer Co., and 3 more that I haven't picked yet.

Book selections will include Holidays on Ice, Without Feathers, and Drinking, Smoking and Screwing. Maybe Melissa Surach will read from her new manuscript "Face Down in the Gutter: An Erotic Journey."

Suggested donation $10. RSVP to rafael.antonioni@gmail.com or Facebook. Book House is tiny!

Jersey City Magazine and the Weird List

I made the top ten "Biggest Weirdos in Jersey City List," a list compiled by chin-strapped artist and warehouse squat lord John Fathom. It was published in Jersey City Magazine last week.

Here's a link to the online pdf version, if you didn't find it on your stoop: http://www.hudsonreporter.com/pages/jersey_city_mag

I only regret that they censored my pube wig that I brought to the photoshoot. Also, they made me look like a drag queen--oh wait, I did that myself.

The most retarded couple I've ever served

This morning a couple walked into the high-end liquor store I work at.

Man: Yo, do you have Ace of Spades? The Jay-Z liquor.
Me: We have Ace of Spades champagne on the top shelf.
Man: It's Jay-Z's liquor right?
Me: I don't know if Jay-Z's the spokesman..
Woman: How much is it?
Me: $250 on sale. The rose is $450.
Man: Which one's better?
Me: The rose.
Woman: Can we taste it?
Me: No.
Woman: Why not?
Man: (pointing at Dirty Dog) What kind of dog is that?
Me: A mutt.
Man: Oh, there's a breed called Mutt?
Me: No.
Man: Because to us a mutt is a stray dog.
Me: Well, yeah.

Then they became inexplicably offended and stormed out. The worst part is they had a baby. I wish I could see its face to gauge how far apart its eyes were.

About expressing your rape feelings...

This is a video I made last year about clumsily dancing your feelings away. It's called Harbor Side Story and it was supposed to be part of Melicious Bottomvomit, which was unfortunately destroyed due to a mean ex boyfriend.



Harbor Side Story from Melissa Surach on Vimeo.

This is what happens when you bite your butt too much

While I was on vacation last week, Dirty Dog took the opportunity to bite his butt off. This is what happens when you bite your butt too much.

He loves to have butt scabs like these for some reason, even though they don't seem comfortable.

Today we went to the vet and now he has a bald butt, a cone head and is on allergy medication. I don't think he likes the cone very much because he keeps bumping into things. And when he goes up stairs, the cone hits him in the face. I just hope he learned his lesson.

He's taking a week off of work at the liquor store, even though he now owes me $200.