Hey! It's Jersey City. The Lamp Post.

New directions, new pictures, and new underwear!

As I've mentioned before, I'm changing my blog around. Let's face it: I hate writing in it and you hate reading it. On a side note, I need new underwear too.

I'm busy editing hundreds of photos and uploading videos. In anticipation of the new direction I'm taking, please don't read anything below this beautiful picture of me and Dirty Dog, taken right before our bath.

And now into the future!

No Calendars! New Blog!

I'm revamping my blog!

Don't be sad that I've discontinued my Melissa Surach Calendars. You probably aren't, because no one ever bought them. Instead I've decided to publish my narcissism on my blog, or else I'd have to give it up completely because it's so expensive!

Also, no one reads my blog or posts comments except for sex workers and erection pills. That's fine by me--I don't write in it too much anymore and someone needs to generate the content. But I don't like being used by the human slave industry, especially if I'm not even getting laid.

So if you'd like to take pictures of me and document my beauty, let me know. I hope you like corpses!

NEW Magazine

The website I write for, Jersey City Independent, recently acquired NEW Magazine, a free local magazine with over 40,000 readers. You can read about it here. Go, Jersey City Independent, go!

This is exciting news for 40,000 people. It means you'll learn to love me, too, and I'll love you.

See you in print!

Baby Hole-iday Extravaganza

Hello everyone!

I'm growing out my beard out for the holidays so you can sit on my lap and pretend I'm Santa! This week's BabyHole is my present to you, and it's a big one.

Baby Hole-iday Extravaganza
Tuesday, December 15th, 9:00 pm, FREE!

Featuring:

-Crazy and the Brains (rock and roll)
-Jack Parson's Moonchild (performing original Christmas music)
-Alexander the Poet (erotic whale poetry)
-Hilary Schwartz (stand up)
-Soce the Elemental Wizard (gay hip hop)
-John F. O'Donnel (stand up)

Plus 6 open mic slots for stand up,sketch, musical comedy and funny videos.

Also, this is the last chance to give us your cans. We're doing a food drive for Let's Celebrate!

Holiday Greetings from me and Dirty Dog!

Happy holidays!

There's no picture, but imagine I sent you a postcard of Dirty Dog on Santa's lap. That Santa is me, dressed as Santa. I'll actually take the picture when my intern gets over swine flu pneumonia and is strong enough to click to make the picture.

By the way, here's a genius idea for someone. Can someone please make a photo spread of pets in holiday outfits in winter scenery? I really want to see a cat dressed like menora, bunnies with big snowflakes on their foreheads, and dogs in Christmas dresses on my lap (as I'm dressed like Santa, of course). I don't really know what Kwanzaa or the Muslim holiday this month is about, but if they can be made into themes for adorable animal pictures, please include it.

I would do it myself, but I'm busy making gifts. I'm super broke for the holidays, so as usual, everything's DIY. I'm up to my boobs in shell jewelry at the moment, but also expect some snow "globes" (jars from dollar store food), and crayon portraits.

Happy Winter Holiday!

May your New Year be better than mine.

Love,
Melissa and Dirty

God Hates Fags!

For Halloween, I was one of the God Hates Fags people. This was the other side of my sign, which I've actually seen on churches and on real protester's signs, so I didn't make it up myself.

I'm the one on the left.