I've just tallied all the online polls for the award show on Tuesday. I know who the winners and losers are.
Also, I've just started using adsense. I know it's annoying and ugly, but I am really broke right now and I need to pay PSE&G.
So click on the ads if you want me to eat this week. I guess that's how it works.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Last chance to vote for BabyHole Awards.
Hey everyone.
This is your last chance to vote for BabyHole Awards. The voting deadline is Sunday, September 14th.
VOTE HERE NOW OR BE DISAPPOINTED FOREVER.
The Award Show will be on Tuesday, September 16th at The Lamp Post.
This is your last chance to vote for BabyHole Awards. The voting deadline is Sunday, September 14th.
VOTE HERE NOW OR BE DISAPPOINTED FOREVER.
The Award Show will be on Tuesday, September 16th at The Lamp Post.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
What's the difference between Jersey City and Williamsburg?
Here is an article from the New York Press.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2008
Ugly Words at a Beauty Pageant
“Let’s walk and talk,” said Misha Calvert, the driving force behind last week’s “Mr. and Miss Williamsburg” pageant, a project she took on as part of her community service for lifting beer from a deli. I was trying to pay attention to her assurances that the pageant wasn’t a rigged advertising gimmick, but what was going on next to us in the dressing room kept distracting me. This tall, buxom blonde, Lola Wakefield, was trying to swig Jack Daniels out of the bottle and change into a short, white, puffy crinoline party dress at the same time, but was stuck with the dress only half on. “Will you help me with this?” Gladly.
But first I had to ask Misha one last thing: “What’s with the MC? No one can understand a word he says.”
Misha started sweating missiles. “This fucking DJ is huge in Berlin!” she sputtered, “the crowd should be lucky to hear him mumble. So he did a little too much Xanax before the show and maybe a bunch of other stuff.”
The emcee, who goes by the name “Smurk,” came back into the dressing room for a smoke. He was wearing a plastic and rhinestone tie around his shirtless, emaciated chest. “We’re just trying to create a post-, post-, post-, post-, post-ironic world,” he said. Before he went back on stage he shared some sage advice with the aspiring beauty queens. “Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels.”
Back on stage, the contestants were crunking as the winners were announced. The girl crowned Miss Williamsburg, C.J. Johnson, boasted the talent of shot-gunning a PBR and taking her panties off through an American Apparel “onesie.” She gave the losers the finger and told them they were “all so very alternative.” Lola Wakefield knocked the plastic crown off her head, and Johnson threatened to gouge her assailant’s eyes out.
Lola, what do you think of the winner? “She’s a slut and doesn’t even live here. She drove in from New Jersey.”
Judge Sarah Morrison, summed things up (after she declared that she was “way hotter” than the winner). The jaded, bicoastal hipster said, “These kids all want to find the next cool thing, but like, it’s not here anymore. Just get it over with and move to Jersey City, you know.” Oh, is that where Morrison rests her head? “No, Williamsburg.”
Posted by Matt Harvey at 9:40 AM
XXXXX
This brings to mind a joke I gave up on about a year ago. "What's the difference between Jersey City and Williamsburg? About 20 pounds, I'd say!" It was inspired by old-timey jokes and Jersey City fatties.
Anyway, to all that Williamsburg kind: Please please please don't move to Jersey City. We don't like your kind here. We will be mean, snarky and judgmental to you. And you will probably get mugged. And we don't want you to drive up our rent.
There's nothing here, anyway.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2008
Ugly Words at a Beauty Pageant
“Let’s walk and talk,” said Misha Calvert, the driving force behind last week’s “Mr. and Miss Williamsburg” pageant, a project she took on as part of her community service for lifting beer from a deli. I was trying to pay attention to her assurances that the pageant wasn’t a rigged advertising gimmick, but what was going on next to us in the dressing room kept distracting me. This tall, buxom blonde, Lola Wakefield, was trying to swig Jack Daniels out of the bottle and change into a short, white, puffy crinoline party dress at the same time, but was stuck with the dress only half on. “Will you help me with this?” Gladly.
But first I had to ask Misha one last thing: “What’s with the MC? No one can understand a word he says.”
Misha started sweating missiles. “This fucking DJ is huge in Berlin!” she sputtered, “the crowd should be lucky to hear him mumble. So he did a little too much Xanax before the show and maybe a bunch of other stuff.”
The emcee, who goes by the name “Smurk,” came back into the dressing room for a smoke. He was wearing a plastic and rhinestone tie around his shirtless, emaciated chest. “We’re just trying to create a post-, post-, post-, post-, post-ironic world,” he said. Before he went back on stage he shared some sage advice with the aspiring beauty queens. “Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels.”
Back on stage, the contestants were crunking as the winners were announced. The girl crowned Miss Williamsburg, C.J. Johnson, boasted the talent of shot-gunning a PBR and taking her panties off through an American Apparel “onesie.” She gave the losers the finger and told them they were “all so very alternative.” Lola Wakefield knocked the plastic crown off her head, and Johnson threatened to gouge her assailant’s eyes out.
Lola, what do you think of the winner? “She’s a slut and doesn’t even live here. She drove in from New Jersey.”
Judge Sarah Morrison, summed things up (after she declared that she was “way hotter” than the winner). The jaded, bicoastal hipster said, “These kids all want to find the next cool thing, but like, it’s not here anymore. Just get it over with and move to Jersey City, you know.” Oh, is that where Morrison rests her head? “No, Williamsburg.”
Posted by Matt Harvey at 9:40 AM
XXXXX
This brings to mind a joke I gave up on about a year ago. "What's the difference between Jersey City and Williamsburg? About 20 pounds, I'd say!" It was inspired by old-timey jokes and Jersey City fatties.
Anyway, to all that Williamsburg kind: Please please please don't move to Jersey City. We don't like your kind here. We will be mean, snarky and judgmental to you. And you will probably get mugged. And we don't want you to drive up our rent.
There's nothing here, anyway.
Monday, September 8, 2008
My new hero
I have a new hero. Her name is Sarah Haskins and she looks like this.
She does a segment on Current.com's show, InfoMania, called Target Women. Current was started by Al Gore to be a media outlet for young people like me, who aren't retarded. Don't confuse it with our local publication, The Current, which is atrocious.
This is what Sarah has to say about Sarah Palin.
She does a segment on Current.com's show, InfoMania, called Target Women. Current was started by Al Gore to be a media outlet for young people like me, who aren't retarded. Don't confuse it with our local publication, The Current, which is atrocious.
This is what Sarah has to say about Sarah Palin.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Special BabyHole tonight! How adorable!
Hey everyone,
It's JC Friday. And there's a very special BabyHole Showcase at The Lamp Post. All of your favorite BabyHolers will be there, doing extended sets.
Max Michaels
Ralph Santiago
Matt Jenkins
Matt Kelly
Ryan Stevens
So let's all shower them with our love and ribbons.
BabyHole Showcase
Tonight, Tuesday, September 5th, 9:00 pm
The Lamp Post
382 2nd Street
Jersey City, NJ
FREE!
5 blocks from Grove Street PA
It's JC Friday. And there's a very special BabyHole Showcase at The Lamp Post. All of your favorite BabyHolers will be there, doing extended sets.
Max Michaels
Ralph Santiago
Matt Jenkins
Matt Kelly
Ryan Stevens
So let's all shower them with our love and ribbons.
BabyHole Showcase
Tonight, Tuesday, September 5th, 9:00 pm
The Lamp Post
382 2nd Street
Jersey City, NJ
FREE!
5 blocks from Grove Street PA
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The Republican Convention gave me nightmares!
I watched a little of the convention last night, but I had to turn it off because it was so scary. These are some of the things that gave me nightmares:
-I had nightmares of the creepy Down Syndrome baby, which may or may not be Palin's grandson.
-I had nightmares of her giant, pregnant teenage daughter.
-I had nightmares of the walking corpse, John McCain and his Skeletor wife.
-The image of Cindy McCain rocking the Down Syndrome baby while her face was melting.
-That many old white people is not natural for a sample of our population.
-The state roll call was torture and it hurt my heart.
-The cowboy with the wireless electric guitar who sang "Raisin' McCain," which I guess is the campaign's theme song? My boyfriend said it was like a South Park episode.
Too scary for me! If McCain wins, I am going to hide under my bed and then move to Canada.
-I had nightmares of the creepy Down Syndrome baby, which may or may not be Palin's grandson.
-I had nightmares of her giant, pregnant teenage daughter.
-I had nightmares of the walking corpse, John McCain and his Skeletor wife.
-The image of Cindy McCain rocking the Down Syndrome baby while her face was melting.
-That many old white people is not natural for a sample of our population.
-The state roll call was torture and it hurt my heart.
-The cowboy with the wireless electric guitar who sang "Raisin' McCain," which I guess is the campaign's theme song? My boyfriend said it was like a South Park episode.
Too scary for me! If McCain wins, I am going to hide under my bed and then move to Canada.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
BabyHole Season Premiere tonight!
Hey everyone,
Put your diaper back on, because tonight is BabyHole's Season Premiere!
So I haven't advertised it as obnoxiously as I would, because our new venue is small and this show is going to be so big I didn't want it to explode.
BABYHOLE SEASON PREMIERE
WITH FLAMING FIRE
SEAN PATTON
EMILY EPSTEIN
VIDEO FROM JESSICA DELFINO
APPROXIMATELY 8 OPEN MIC SPACES
FREE FREE FREE
Hosted by me, Melissa Surach. And I swear I'll do a better job this year.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2ND, 8:30 PM
THE LAMP POST
382 2ND STREET, JERSEY CITY
(5 blocks from the PATH station. Our old venue fled the country. The new one is the ONLY LEGAL PLACE TO HAVE SHOWS IN JERSEY CITY wtf? Write letters to City Hall)
It will also be BabyHole's 1st birthday. Bring presents if you want. I might bring cupcakes, but I'm really busy building the baby altar.
Put your diaper back on, because tonight is BabyHole's Season Premiere!
So I haven't advertised it as obnoxiously as I would, because our new venue is small and this show is going to be so big I didn't want it to explode.
BABYHOLE SEASON PREMIERE
WITH FLAMING FIRE
SEAN PATTON
EMILY EPSTEIN
VIDEO FROM JESSICA DELFINO
APPROXIMATELY 8 OPEN MIC SPACES
FREE FREE FREE
Hosted by me, Melissa Surach. And I swear I'll do a better job this year.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2ND, 8:30 PM
THE LAMP POST
382 2ND STREET, JERSEY CITY
(5 blocks from the PATH station. Our old venue fled the country. The new one is the ONLY LEGAL PLACE TO HAVE SHOWS IN JERSEY CITY wtf? Write letters to City Hall)
It will also be BabyHole's 1st birthday. Bring presents if you want. I might bring cupcakes, but I'm really busy building the baby altar.
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