Another job lost to my pretend career

Well, I kinda quit/got fired from my job because I took off for a week and a half without calling.

It sounds worst than it is. It was really only 4 shifts, and I texted my bosses after I left a voice mail that was never returned.

I took the time off to finish my calendar, which I considered more important than getting 100-year-old Irishmen drunk without a shift pay.

Melissa Surach 2008 Calendar Cover

Last week in Atlantic City I should've gotten a tattoo.

I thought that going to Atlantic City would solve all of my problems but instead I lost $100.



He wanted a T-Shirt, but I thought the banner was classier. I couldn't jam the entire thing into my scanner, but it says, "A winning pair."

Some people say that it looks like I have down syndrome in it. But I think it just looks like I try too hard.

Working on this calendar all day...

...really makes me miss out on the paternity tests of strangers.

I'D RATHER BE WATCHING DIVORCE COURT.

New hatemail from Ethiopia

Should I put this guy on my mailing list? And what's he talking about? And if he knows so much about Ethiopia, wouldn't he know it's a proper noun and should be capitalized?

from jaman gebreyesus
to Melissa.Surach@gmail.com,
date Jan 2, 2008 6:04 PM
subject WARNING!!!!
mailed-by yahoo.com
signed-by yahoo.com

hide details 6:04 PM (29 minutes ago)



Reply


You fuck'n bitch, don't ever dis anything about Ethiopia. I understand you have no life, but you don't have no right say something like that. You don't know nothing about ethiopia, if you knew you wouldn't say something like that.

Reasons that I am not showing up for work this week:

I work at an Irish dive bar in Jersey City and I haven't shown up to work my last two shifts and am considering blowing tomorrow off too because...

-It smells weird and everything is broken.
-I made $9 at work last Saturday.
-Sometimes I work 11-hour-long shifts for no reason.
-I hate the deep fryer.
-Work seems to be optional at my job.
-Some cops are jerks and I want to throw beer in their faces.
-A woman's not allowed to work by herself, so I have to split my tips for no reason and make 50% less than a man.
-I don't get a shift pay, so I can't get fired because I was never hired.

And I need to finish my calendar. It'll probably make me as much money as my volunteer bar tending job, but at least some people respect it.

NO CUNTS ALLOWED

Last night I spent New Year's Eve at 58. I drank some Christmas beer, two bottles of $5 champagne and then some vodka and blacked out around 12:30. I got home around 1:00 and fell out of bed and onto my shoulder at some point in the night. From what I remembered, I had fun.

I also handed out fliers for the Calendar Release Party next week. I've come to the point where I get personally offended that people won't take my fliers because my shows are so good, especially for Jersey City.

There's this group of kids who go to 58 who I think are 16 but dress like 28-year-old hipsters from Brooklyn and the girls are dirty little posers and need to be smacked by their parents. I tried to give them my fliers. The boys took them but the girl wouldn't and said, "Everyone gets fliers for that shit." I was in a good mood because I was drunk and I don't like starting fights with kids, but I wish I could have said, "There's no cunts allowed anyway."

I wish I could start calling everyone a cunt to their face who I think is a cunt. But because of my job I have to try to be nice to too many people.