Tonight's my last night in Poland and I'm shit faced on elderly Polish people. We're staying with my great aunt and I've met literally thousands of 100-year-old Polish relatives, and seen more photos of dead ones.
I didn't really get a chance to party because old people were stuffing me with cured meats the entire time and would get hostile if I refused. In 4 days, I gained 10 pounds. I plan on fasting on twigs when I get back. I'm also looking for a Master Cleanse buddy, if anyone's interested. And I plan on fasting from old Polish people (this means you, grandma).
I'm going back to Berlin tomorrow. Hopefully, I won't be too flatulant to hang out with people who are young and ambulatory. I think I caught arthritis from someone, and I smell like my grandpa did before he died. I need to figure out how to ditch my mom and follow some German boys around. I hope they like the smell of salami.
Here's some highlights from my trip (itinerary Berlin, Warsaw, Krakow, Gdansk, Berlin).
1. You can't walk more than 10 feet without stumbling across a memorial/concentration camp. Also, I almost puked on Aushewitz by accident.
2. At a divey German soccer bar, I was flattered to notice a guy checking me out. After doing an extravagant Sexy American pose, I realized he was just making fun of my outfit with his friends.
3. Cabbage, cabbage, cabbage!
4. I learned how to make home made wine and am smuggling Spiritus to make my own licqueurs. Also, Vodka Party at my house! For one, because I have no friends.
5. I think I developed a goiter from all this cured meat. But it's nothing a mild case of gout can't strain out! Ha ha! LMFAO!
6. I found amber on the beach, or maybe I just have a pocketful of rocks. At least it got me out of the house.
I'll be back in Jersey City on Tuesday.